"Ted Hut" -- Motivating the Family to be Christian Soldiers

Posted by Helper Suitable's Husband:

About a year ago, I decided to take advantage of my oldest son's enthusiasm for "soldiers" and channel that towards being a "Christian soldier". It's amazing the difference this has made in our family.

Once a day, I call the family to "attention" (the boys call it "Ted Hut"). I do inspections before school to see if their hair/teeth are brushed well. I give out assignments/rewards as appropriate. When I give an order, I expect to hear the "Sir, Yes Sir"s, and for a bit of fun, every once and awhile I'll tell them, "I can't hear you!". They then yell out in response, "SIR, YES SIR!". I try to sound as gruff and "soldier-like" as possible, and the boys eat it up.

I've decided to include my notes from our very first "Ted Hut". Parts of this are as much for the wife as the kids, as I think it's important that the children see entire family operating according to the chain of command. If I give her a command during the "Ted Hut", she gives a "Sir, yes Sir"! herself (or something equivalent), and the kids are expected to respond to her orders with a "Maam, yes, Maam"!

I make it clear during several points that God is above me in the chain, and that I need to "Sir, yes Sir"! Him when he gives me an "order" (through his Word).

Failure to follow orders, or pay attention can result in pushups. For some reason, little boys seem think the pushups are fun. For more major offenses, I discipline appropriately, of course.

This little exercise has worked wonders for our family.

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TED HUT!!!!!

We need to turn this unit around soldiers. I look around and see we've become:

(ask the kids to define each of these)

Disrespectful
Insubordinate
Slothful (lazy)
Gluttonous
Disorganized
Unhealthy
Unprepared for spiritual warfare
Liars
Lustful
Whiners

We are at WAR! Who is our enemy?

Prompt the kids to answer... Satan should be listed as one.

Satan wants to fight us as individuals, not a unit

• Targets the weak link
  
• Tries to convince you that your chain of command is corrupt
  
• Tries to turn us against each other
  
• Doesn't just want you, but wants you to take us with you
  
• For these reason, all chinks in the armor must be hammered out
  
• We have an obligation to protect each other.
  
• If we care, we will discipline. To allow rebellion is to turn the person over to the Devil.
  
• The Devil is not our only enemy, the world itself is our enemy.
  
• Our only "wordly" protection is the family and the church.
  

Respect/Honor/Obey

• We are in a war
  
• We are Christian soldiers
  
• God is Commander in Chief
  
• The Father is the General
  
• The Mother is the captain
  
• Aiden/Owen are Privates
  
• Bible is law
  
• God is the only Judge
  
• Generals are held responsible for the problems within their unit
  
• Because I am held responsible, I must monitor the family closely and will not tolerate/excuse sin
  
• If I allow poor habits/sin to continue, I put you at risk on the battle field.
  
• Commands are done without question, unless a higher authority (God's word) overrides.
  
• Consultations can be held with "Request to Speak" (in private).
  
• Failure to obey immediately results in discipline
  
• To allow misbehavior once encourages it to appear a second time
  
• Discipline becomes more severe if repeat offender
  
• God's rules first, Daddy's second, Mommy's third
  
• Clean heart and mind. Confess sins to each other, expect the best of others at all times.
  
• Go above and beyond the minimum in all things. If you are asked to go a mile, add a half.
  
• You are required to address those in authority over you in an appropriate manner
  
• Whining, arguing, nagging, or failure to comply with an order is rebellion
  
• Rebellion cannot be tolerated in a war because rebellion breaks us from a unit to individuals
  
• Individuals can be picked off easier than a unit
  
• You are going to do what your authorities command, so find a means to be happy doing it
  

The Written Law

• Always has a divine purpose
  
• Is always correct
  
• Should be upheld at all times
  
• Refusing to follow the law when you know and understand it is like shaking your fist at God
  

Duties

• Everyone has duties to perform, whether at home, at work, at school
  
• Duties can only be missed due to sickness or by permission from your authorities
  
• Some duties will be fun, others a chore, but all should be done with a cheerful heart
  
• Every duty is important, and if anything is undone, it represents a chink in our armor
  
• Some duties are designed to protect/aid your fellow soldier or commander
  
• Sometimes it *is* your job to protect your comrade from sin
  
• A Christian soldier can witness in his actions, perhaps more strongly than in his words
  

The Heart

• Should be kept pure
  
• Should assume the best of people (even sinners) at all times
  
• Should work cheerfully
  
• You are going to do what your authorities command, so find a means to be happy
  
• Work should be done with Joy whenever possible, but always done in love
  
• Avoid contact with temptation
  

The Body:

1. Cleanliness: 1st thing in morning (morning inspection), last thing at night


• A professional looking soldier gets more respect/fear
  
• A professional looking soldier shows he takes his job seriously
  
• Shaved, shower, teeth
  
• Unwrinkled clothes, dress according to role (gender specific).
  
  
2. Health


• The body is God's temple
  
• No artificial sweeteners in drinks
  
• No eating out unless there is *no* alternative
  
• Poor eating habits slow the body and dull the mind
  
• Mother will design healthy/balanced meals
  
• Daily exercise is required, and body weight/overall health closely monitored
  

The Home:

1. Orderliness
   
   
   
   • A strict schedule must be maintained
     
   • The house should be clean
     
   • Dishes washed as soon as meal is over
     
   • Beds made: 2nd thing in morning (after personal cleanliness)
     
   
   
2. Team Building
   
   
   
   • No TV, or web browsing for entertainment without permission
     
   • All 3 meals together
     
   • Family Study Time
     
   • Family Play time
     
   • Positive attitude
     
   
   

Training for War:

• complete self-discipline
  
• complete trust in the chain of command
  
• learn to use our weapons (scripture, church, prayer)
  
• Use your chain of command
  
• stick together
  
• nobody gets left behind
  

Discipline

• Immediate
  
• Fair
  
• Consistent
  
• Should be harsh enough to help correct the bad behavior and dissuade from it happening again
  
• If you sin against another, you must confess and ask forgiveness
  
• Discipline should get more harsh if the same behavior is repeated continuously
  
• Those who receive the discipline should learn to thank the authority for the correction.
  

The Husband's Role Part II (What if he's not doing it!)

In the "Husbands Role Part I" I looked at God's plan for husbands, and ended with a question: "What do wives do when their husbands aren't taking on that role?".

There are two different answers to this question, depending on whether your husband is a believer, or a non-believer.

For husbands who do not believe the Word, your choices are limited. For this reason unmarried ladies, do NOT marry a non-believer!

Peter tells us the following:

1 Peter 3

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Peter tells us that wives of unbelieving husbands are to win their husbands to Christ through their submissive behavior, without a word. This verse instructs wives not to try and change their husbands by "nagging". Peter says to win your husbands by your submissive BEHAVIOR. The purity of your actions speak louder than any words.

Proverbs 27:15 (New International Version)

15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;

If you want to help change your husband, start with changing yourself.

Matthew 7:17

Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

Matthew 7:3

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no
attention to the plank in your own eye?

If you want your husband (or wife, if I have husbands reading this blog) to take on their proper biblical roles, you need to start by throwing yourself in to your own role. Wives, do you want your husband to lead? If so, are you letting him? Do you question his every decision? Are you a living example? Are you submitting to him as if he was the Lord?

There is no dependency relationship between a wife's submission and obedience, and her husband acting as a loving, biblical, head of household. Wives must submit even when her husband doesn't believe (or act on) the Word. Husbands must love their wives even when they are rebellious. Do not expect the Lord to work in your spouses life on your behalf until you have changed your own.

Now, for wives who have believing husbands who are not taking on their proper role as leader/preacher of the home:

Again, are you submitting? Are you allowing him to lead, or discouraging him from it? The same principle applies here as with the unbelieving husband. Do not take on your proper role only if he takes his on first. YOU submit first.

Wives of believing husbands also have a greater tool at their disposal... the Word. Without nagging (telling him once is information, twice is nagging) remind him of his role, using only Scripture, using a meek and quiet voice. Most men want to lead. If he is a true believer, a slight nudge is likely enough.

If his sin is of a serious nature, follow the biblical model of dealing with a brother's sin:

Matthew 18:15

15"If your brother sins against you,[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[c] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church

"I've tried everything, and nothing is working!"

Pray. Have you tried just focusing on your own walk and letting God handle the rest? Remember, you can only divorce for adultery. You can only seperate for your personal safety or that of your children. Otherwise, you have two options... keep trying (in ways God instructed), or turn it over to God. Trust in Him.

Your husband already walking the path? Halleluah! Follow the bible's directions on helping him with his load. If he is taking his role seriously, he has a lot on his shoulders.

Everything ties together. Everything has a PURPOSE.

The Husband's Role Part I (What is it?)

To completely "put on" the role of a biblical wife, you must understand the role that God ordained for husbands.

Wives are to submit to their husbands as if he were the Lord, and husbands are to lead according to the example Jesus set. Jesus loved his church so much He DIED for it! Your husband is commanded to show you this type of love!

Ephesians 5 22-27

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

So what ARE the husband's roles/duties? Please note, this is NOT intended to be a complete list. I'm sure I missed many.

1. Preacher of the home (manages family well) [1 Timothy 3:4-5]
2. Provider for his household (men should work and be bread-winners) [1 Timothy 5:8]
3. Leads his family [1 Cor 11:3]
4. Loves his wife as much as Christ loved the church (Christ DIED for His
   church) [Ephesians 5:25]
5. Is not harsh with his wife [Col 3:19]
6. Lives with wife in understanding and knowledge (tries to understand her
   needs) [1 Peter 3:7]
7. Must see that his children obey him with proper respect [1 Timothy 3:4]
8. Husband of one wife [1 Timothy 3:2]
9. Temperate (not prone to massive mood swings) [1 Timothy 3:2]
10. Self-controlled [1 Timothy 3:2]
11. Respectable [1 Timothy 3:2]
12. Hospitable [1 Timothy 3:2]
13. Able to teach (knows the Lord's Word) [1 Timothy 3:2]
14. Not given to drunkenness [1 Timothy 3:3]
15. Not violent but gentle (not wife-beaters) [1 Timothy 3:3]
16. Not quarrelsome [1 Timothy 3:3]
17. Not a lover of money [1 Timothy 3:3]
18. Good reputation [1 Timothy 3:6]
19. Should not be conceited [1 Timothy 3:6]
20. Sincere [1 Timothy 3:8]
21. Doesn't pursue dishonest gain [1 Timothy 3:8]
22. Holds the truths of the faith strongly [1 Timothy 3:9]
23. Will be held accountable [1 Corinthians 4:1-2]
24. Treats wife as the weaker vessel [1 Peter 3:7]
25. Disciplines children (spare the rod spoil the child) [many verses in
    Proverbs]
26. Considerate of wife [1 Peter 3:7]
27. Has prayers hindered when inconsiderate [1 Peter 3:7]
28. Loves his wife as much as his own body [Ephesians 5:28]
29. Remembers his wife is his equal in receiving God's blessings [1
    Peter 3:7]
30. Punished through hard work (in part, because wife led and did not
    follow!) [Genesis 3:17]
31. Leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife (does not allow in-laws
    to meddle) [Ephesians 5:21]
32. Doesn't divorce his wife [Mark 10:11]
33. Provides his wife sex whenever she desires it [1 Corinthians 7:3]

Are you thinking to yourself, "Wow, if my husband was doing all that I could EASILY submit to and obey him as if he were the Lord."?

That's just one more lie to expose: How often do we make mistakes and not obey Jesus, and he was perfect! Our husbands are human and flawed. Submission may never be easy.

Despite that, I'm sure every wife can scan that list and agree that if we have to submit to our husbands (and we do), we want our husbands to be those things. We want him to try and understand us. We want him to be temperate, sincere, and thoughtful. We recognize that if he does the things the bible commands him to do, and we do the things the bible commands us to do, that BOTH of our lives (not to mention our children's!) would be drastically improved! We recognize that God really does want the best for us.

But what do Christian wives do when their husbands are failing in their roles, or perhaps don't even believe in the Word? I'll tackle that in my next post.

yes, Yes, YES!!!!

OK, so now you know that marital sex is a blessing. Next, we learn that it's not only a blessing, it's a requirement.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Let's tackle verses 3 and 4 first. Sex should be given when desired by either partner. Give your body gladly to your spouse. Your body belongs to him. You cannot tell your husband "no" in bed, unless you BOTH agree to take a break for prayer.

The last part of verse 5 shouldn't be ignored. If your husband's needs are met, he is less likely to look elsewhere to fulfill his desires. The same is true of yourself. If you are busy keeping your husband 100% satisfied, you shouldn't have the time (or energy!) to cheat.

Paul knew that few people had the self control to live a life without sex (which he would have assumed to mean a single life). One of the PURPOSES of marriage is to allow us to vent our sexual desires in a godly way. In a culture that encourages pre-marital sex, I think this point is lost. Marriage, in part, exists as means to vent our sexual desires! For those of us who had sex before marriage, we tend to forget that sex is a PURPOSE of marriage.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God
will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

When I imagine pure sex, I envision myself in a sexy white robe, only to be seen and loved by my husband. I imagine God smiling at the union between my husband and myself. I also enjoy a vision of my husband planting a seed deep within me. That is my favorite because no other man is allowed in this special place. My "garden" should be an inviting home to my husband's "fountain". Sex should be like coming home. There should be a softness and calmness about sex, even if this is only experienced after the act is completed.

Let your inhibitions go. Let me tell you, pure sex is the best sex I have ever had.

Song of Solomon 7:6-8

6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
7 Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples,

What a beautiful love letter. You are a delight to your husband. To be desired by your husband is such a wonderful thing.

Yet another set of lies exposed: you do not have the "right" to tell your spouse "no" in bed, and "dirty" sex is NOT more exciting.

If you have a headache, take some Tylenol or Ibuprophen. If your husband wants sex - say yes, Yes, YES!!!!

Marital sex was made and blessed by God

Marital sex was made and blessed by God. It is a wonderful gift.

In our society premarital sex tends to be encouraged or glamorized, while marital sex is portrayed as boring or routine. Any sitcom will drive that in your head.

First things first, the only place for sex is within the confines of a married relationship. Do not kid yourself, if you are performing any type of sex act before marriage, even with a partner you intend to marry, you are sinning and need to stop. No exceptions.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and
adulterers God will judge.

I'm not blogging on premarital sex though, so I want to focus on the first part of that verse. The marriage bed is honorable and undefiled. Even though my parents had a healthy sex life, as a little girl, I learned that sex was "dirty." Of course, what my parents (and church) were trying to teach me was that premarital sex was "dirty", but this was lost in that I never once heard a sermon on the beauty of married sex. If sex was mentioned, it was mentioned in a negative way.

The bible isn't prudish on the topic of sex. Read Song of Solomon as a start (to convince yourself). At least three sexual unions betweeen married lovers are described, at various points within their relationship.

Song of Solomon 4:16

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

There are a lot of things I could point out in that verse. Her lover is captivated by the fragrance and taste of his "garden". The fact that the garden is described as "his" (he owns her body). How she eagerly invites him in to the sex act.

Of couse, the beauty of marital sex is not only described in Song of Solomon, consider this verse from Proverbs:

Proverbs 5: 15-19

18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Marital sex was made and blessed by God. Have any doubt? The verse above specifically states that the young husbands penis is blessed! He should rejoice with the wife of his youth, letting her breasts "satisfy him".

Does this sound prudish, or like God considers marital sex dirty?

It's another lie I plan to expose. Sex within marriage does NOT have to be boring or mundane. Singles sex is NOT better. Married sex CANNOT be dirty (the marriage bed is undefiled). Married sex is a gift and blessing.

Enjoying and sharing sex with your spouse is a benefit of the Christian walk. Praise God for this wonderful intimate closeness that you can have with only this one person!

Male and Female Roles

Recently, there was an article on Forbes.com by Michael Noer called, “Point: Don’t Marry a Career Woman.” In response to his article, Elizabeth Corcoran, another Forbes employee wrote a response titled “Counterpoint: Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.”

http://www.forbes.com/business/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html

Lets look at what the Bible has to say about this argument.

First of all, the Bible gives distinct roles to males and females.

Genesis 2: 18 (NIV)

18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

From the very beginning, wives were created to be helpers for the man. This does not mean that women are somehow worth "less" than men, but rather, the Lord has given everyone specific duties and a place within the chain of command. A wife's place is to assist her husband.

Genesis 3: 16,17 (KJV)

16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. 17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

Within only the third chapter in the Bible, it is already established that the husband is to be the "worker" or "toiler", and the wife is to be the "homemaker", "mother", and "helper".

Of course, you can argue that this is Old Testament, and that we are no longer under the law. True enough, and I'll show you in future posts that the New Testament is perhaps even *more* specific on this chain of command.

Perhaps you'll consider me legalistic. Well I'll tackle that in future posts as well. My husband is fond of saying that people only tend to throw out the term "legalistic" when it applies to something they don't want to do, or personally don't feel is important. I've never heard someone say "Thou shall not commit murder", and have someone yell out in response, "You're just being legalistic!". To be legalistic is to believe you can earn your way in to heaven. I'm a hopeless sinner, undeserving of heaven on my own ground.

Instead, I just want to be a good servant of the Lord. A good servant does as she is told, and a good servant does not decide for herself what is important to her God.

As a Christian woman, I believe my priorities are God, husband, children, household, and then out-of-the-house work. At this point in my life am also a "career woman", in the sense that I work outside of the home as an RN. Over the last year, however I have decreased my nursing load to 24 hours per week.

So should a man marry a "career woman"? Only if she has her priorities straight, and can keep her Lord, husband, children, and home before the outside job. This is a very tough assignment, and one that I have had trouble juggling myself.

In fact, it's such a tough assignment that it's probably impossible. Even at a part time job of 24 hours a week, there are times when I *should* stay home or attend a church function when I simply cannot (or risk losing my job). As soon as my husband determines we are financially able to do so... I'll be a full time wife and mother.

Overall, I believe these two articles reflect the words in Ecclesiastes 1:2 (NIV)

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

Clearly God has a plan for His idea of marriage and family. To apply any other "logic" or "worldly wisdom" to the definition of marriage, family, or the type of person you should marry... well, it's just meaningless.