The Husband's Role Part I (What is it?)

To completely "put on" the role of a biblical wife, you must understand the role that God ordained for husbands.

Wives are to submit to their husbands as if he were the Lord, and husbands are to lead according to the example Jesus set. Jesus loved his church so much He DIED for it! Your husband is commanded to show you this type of love!

Ephesians 5 22-27

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

So what ARE the husband's roles/duties? Please note, this is NOT intended to be a complete list. I'm sure I missed many.

1. Preacher of the home (manages family well) [1 Timothy 3:4-5]
2. Provider for his household (men should work and be bread-winners) [1 Timothy 5:8]
3. Leads his family [1 Cor 11:3]
4. Loves his wife as much as Christ loved the church (Christ DIED for His
   church) [Ephesians 5:25]
5. Is not harsh with his wife [Col 3:19]
6. Lives with wife in understanding and knowledge (tries to understand her
   needs) [1 Peter 3:7]
7. Must see that his children obey him with proper respect [1 Timothy 3:4]
8. Husband of one wife [1 Timothy 3:2]
9. Temperate (not prone to massive mood swings) [1 Timothy 3:2]
10. Self-controlled [1 Timothy 3:2]
11. Respectable [1 Timothy 3:2]
12. Hospitable [1 Timothy 3:2]
13. Able to teach (knows the Lord's Word) [1 Timothy 3:2]
14. Not given to drunkenness [1 Timothy 3:3]
15. Not violent but gentle (not wife-beaters) [1 Timothy 3:3]
16. Not quarrelsome [1 Timothy 3:3]
17. Not a lover of money [1 Timothy 3:3]
18. Good reputation [1 Timothy 3:6]
19. Should not be conceited [1 Timothy 3:6]
20. Sincere [1 Timothy 3:8]
21. Doesn't pursue dishonest gain [1 Timothy 3:8]
22. Holds the truths of the faith strongly [1 Timothy 3:9]
23. Will be held accountable [1 Corinthians 4:1-2]
24. Treats wife as the weaker vessel [1 Peter 3:7]
25. Disciplines children (spare the rod spoil the child) [many verses in
    Proverbs]
26. Considerate of wife [1 Peter 3:7]
27. Has prayers hindered when inconsiderate [1 Peter 3:7]
28. Loves his wife as much as his own body [Ephesians 5:28]
29. Remembers his wife is his equal in receiving God's blessings [1
    Peter 3:7]
30. Punished through hard work (in part, because wife led and did not
    follow!) [Genesis 3:17]
31. Leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife (does not allow in-laws
    to meddle) [Ephesians 5:21]
32. Doesn't divorce his wife [Mark 10:11]
33. Provides his wife sex whenever she desires it [1 Corinthians 7:3]

Are you thinking to yourself, "Wow, if my husband was doing all that I could EASILY submit to and obey him as if he were the Lord."?

That's just one more lie to expose: How often do we make mistakes and not obey Jesus, and he was perfect! Our husbands are human and flawed. Submission may never be easy.

Despite that, I'm sure every wife can scan that list and agree that if we have to submit to our husbands (and we do), we want our husbands to be those things. We want him to try and understand us. We want him to be temperate, sincere, and thoughtful. We recognize that if he does the things the bible commands him to do, and we do the things the bible commands us to do, that BOTH of our lives (not to mention our children's!) would be drastically improved! We recognize that God really does want the best for us.

But what do Christian wives do when their husbands are failing in their roles, or perhaps don't even believe in the Word? I'll tackle that in my next post.

yes, Yes, YES!!!!

OK, so now you know that marital sex is a blessing. Next, we learn that it's not only a blessing, it's a requirement.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Let's tackle verses 3 and 4 first. Sex should be given when desired by either partner. Give your body gladly to your spouse. Your body belongs to him. You cannot tell your husband "no" in bed, unless you BOTH agree to take a break for prayer.

The last part of verse 5 shouldn't be ignored. If your husband's needs are met, he is less likely to look elsewhere to fulfill his desires. The same is true of yourself. If you are busy keeping your husband 100% satisfied, you shouldn't have the time (or energy!) to cheat.

Paul knew that few people had the self control to live a life without sex (which he would have assumed to mean a single life). One of the PURPOSES of marriage is to allow us to vent our sexual desires in a godly way. In a culture that encourages pre-marital sex, I think this point is lost. Marriage, in part, exists as means to vent our sexual desires! For those of us who had sex before marriage, we tend to forget that sex is a PURPOSE of marriage.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God
will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

When I imagine pure sex, I envision myself in a sexy white robe, only to be seen and loved by my husband. I imagine God smiling at the union between my husband and myself. I also enjoy a vision of my husband planting a seed deep within me. That is my favorite because no other man is allowed in this special place. My "garden" should be an inviting home to my husband's "fountain". Sex should be like coming home. There should be a softness and calmness about sex, even if this is only experienced after the act is completed.

Let your inhibitions go. Let me tell you, pure sex is the best sex I have ever had.

Song of Solomon 7:6-8

6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
7 Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples,

What a beautiful love letter. You are a delight to your husband. To be desired by your husband is such a wonderful thing.

Yet another set of lies exposed: you do not have the "right" to tell your spouse "no" in bed, and "dirty" sex is NOT more exciting.

If you have a headache, take some Tylenol or Ibuprophen. If your husband wants sex - say yes, Yes, YES!!!!

Marital sex was made and blessed by God

Marital sex was made and blessed by God. It is a wonderful gift.

In our society premarital sex tends to be encouraged or glamorized, while marital sex is portrayed as boring or routine. Any sitcom will drive that in your head.

First things first, the only place for sex is within the confines of a married relationship. Do not kid yourself, if you are performing any type of sex act before marriage, even with a partner you intend to marry, you are sinning and need to stop. No exceptions.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and
adulterers God will judge.

I'm not blogging on premarital sex though, so I want to focus on the first part of that verse. The marriage bed is honorable and undefiled. Even though my parents had a healthy sex life, as a little girl, I learned that sex was "dirty." Of course, what my parents (and church) were trying to teach me was that premarital sex was "dirty", but this was lost in that I never once heard a sermon on the beauty of married sex. If sex was mentioned, it was mentioned in a negative way.

The bible isn't prudish on the topic of sex. Read Song of Solomon as a start (to convince yourself). At least three sexual unions betweeen married lovers are described, at various points within their relationship.

Song of Solomon 4:16

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

There are a lot of things I could point out in that verse. Her lover is captivated by the fragrance and taste of his "garden". The fact that the garden is described as "his" (he owns her body). How she eagerly invites him in to the sex act.

Of couse, the beauty of marital sex is not only described in Song of Solomon, consider this verse from Proverbs:

Proverbs 5: 15-19

18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Marital sex was made and blessed by God. Have any doubt? The verse above specifically states that the young husbands penis is blessed! He should rejoice with the wife of his youth, letting her breasts "satisfy him".

Does this sound prudish, or like God considers marital sex dirty?

It's another lie I plan to expose. Sex within marriage does NOT have to be boring or mundane. Singles sex is NOT better. Married sex CANNOT be dirty (the marriage bed is undefiled). Married sex is a gift and blessing.

Enjoying and sharing sex with your spouse is a benefit of the Christian walk. Praise God for this wonderful intimate closeness that you can have with only this one person!